Composers
1 Flowers/Pickett
2 Bill Withers
3 Dr John
4 Flanders/Swann
5 Bacharach/David
6 Bacharach/David
7 Punt/Webley
8 Thomas/Webley
9 MacMurray/Webley
10 d’Abo
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
Ma’s out Pa’s out
let’s talk rude
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
dance in the garden in the nude
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
let’s write rude words all down the street
stick out our tongues at the people we meet
let’s have an intellectual treat
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
What kind of talk is The Suns delight
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
top shelf filth in every sweetshop in town
Playboy Belly Bum Drawers
the TV shows we love the best
and Hollywood stars without a vest
the type of talk from a chat show guest
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
Lily Savage is topping the bill
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
Christopher Robin meets Fanny Hill
Pooh Bear Belly Bum Drawers
the super models who bare their all
and the Groucho Mafia having a ball
still the higher the brow
the harder they fall
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
Serious talking after dark
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
new dead composers Bach to Bach
Puccini Belly Bum Drawers
in the hip hop scene to the world of pop
they get their words from the porno shop
things seem to start
where they used to stop
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
Grandad
over 30 years ago remember
always seems to come around December
the years they go so fast
memories always last
thoughts of when I was a boy
with new Cortinas on the street driving
and local policemen on the beat cycling
television black and white (then colour came)
to watch the Sweeney have a fight
Magpie and Bernie the Bolt
Grandads Grandads are lovely
they’re here to look after you
Grandads Grandads are lovely
and I watched a man on the moon
with my Grandad (gawdblessya Fred)
my first flight on an aeroplane flying
we were going out to sunny Spain frying
and every Sunday had a bath
and Tommy Cooper made me laugh
Eric and Ernie as well
the world has changed a lot since then, sadly
but I would do it all the same again, gladly
and I hope tomorrows future brings
peace and health and happy things
and God bless the whole of the world
cause we need it
Grandads Grandads are lovely
they’re here to look after you
Grandads Grandads are lovely
ever and faithful and true
Grandads Grandads are lovely
and Herbie wrote this one for you
and at the door was Ken Pickett
Grandads Grandads are lovely
that’s what we all think of you
1: Grandad
2: Grandma’s Hands
3: I Walk on Guilded Splinters
4: P** P* B**** B** D******
5: Alfie
6: Alfie <inst>
7: Ding Dang Dong
8: Nuke the Whales
9: Beating with Blood
10: Handbags & Gladrags <inst>
Grandad
recorded live at Great Linford Manor studios, with a load of my mates and all them pesky kids from down my street. I spent two years as a teenager sitting alongside Herbie, learning what it was like to sit next to a top class session player. He always said nobody would do a version of Grandad, but he was wrong. I’ve turbo charged it from a fragile waltz into a well oiled twist
Grandmas Hands
if you wanna have me Jesus, it’s alright
I Walk on Guilded Splinters
Graham Dee letting rip with that Voodoo
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers
when I began school, music was considered a cultural necessity NOT a middle class privilege. So when the schools music master dropped dead a replacement had to be found. Luckily enough, the father of one of my class mates, Rachel was pianist in the Westend and he filled in for a while. His name was Donald Swann and he would segue Bach Gavottes into Love Me Do, and sang songs that were so funny stuff came out of my nose. It was that moment, aged 6, when I realised the power held in those black and white keys. As soon as I became a Dad I began to pay my dues by going into schools to give music workshops and assemblies. And at every single one of the hundreds I’ve done, I’ve sung this song to great hilarity
Alfie
100 mph version. Burt and his lawyer love it
Alfie instrumental
apart from Debbie Poysers delightful BV’s at the beginning, this is what was recorded, live, second take, at the back end of a jingle session using up the final 30 minutes of paid studio time and session musicians. What was the jingle? Are you kidding!
Ding Dang Dong
the ultimate Euro winner, as penned for Graham Nortons Eurovision masterclass.
Lyrics by Steve Punt
Nuke the Whales
a bit of bad taste
Beating with Blood
from the Channel4 series The Last Chancers
Handbags and Gladrags
the instrumental version of the Office Theme, recorded in my front room
